Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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