This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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