I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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