I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
