i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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