I am puke
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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