It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
