Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
