I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
