Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
