I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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