If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
