before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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