oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
