I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Panties = found
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
