i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love you.
Bad choice
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