i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
