I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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