Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
