My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
