I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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