it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
