Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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