he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We are all done wearing pants today
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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