I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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