i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize