I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
