Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
