I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
