you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
