my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im holly from the hills drunk
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
