I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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