i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
