It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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