idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
