I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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