Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
