So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
