There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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