Already got asked if we're dating
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
