I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
