It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
