imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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