1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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