how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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