I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
