just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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