She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
