well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My dick has a subreddit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
