All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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