Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
