That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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