people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
