Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
