is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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