You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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