She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
