Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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