Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
