Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
