Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
