on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
