He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
