i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
