This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
