i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
