I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
