Buhtt sex?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
