So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have tasted many bathrooms
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
