Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
