I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
