the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
