Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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