I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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